Goodbye

Traditionally, the New Year is a time for resolutions to change or improve oneself or one’s situation.  This year, I am flying in the face of tradition and rather than resolving to “improve” myself, I am saying goodbye to things with the intention of making space for others.

Goodbye to being defined by a number.  No longer being defined by weight.  By income.  By the number of hours worked each week.  By the number of hours spent exercising per day/week.  By how many calories are consumed daily.  By how many vaccinations/boosters have been received.  By how many cups of coffee are drank.  By how many steps are logged in a day.  By how much was spent on a vehicle.

Goodbye to being defined by how others think I should appear in the world.  By wearing certain clothes and shoes.  By hairstyle.  By makeup.  By being quiet.  By being subservient.  By not taking up too much space.  By having a partner/not having a partner.  By what spiritual practice is followed.

Goodbye to being defined by unrealistic expectations.  By expectations around deftly managing parenting, work, and a household.  By decorating elaborately for each holiday/season.  By having an immaculately clean house.  By making the bed daily.  By not having dirty dishes in the sink.

Instead, I am welcoming all of the messy, imperfectly perfect parts of me and life in general that support living in love, peace, and joy.  Resting when rest is needed or just wanted.  Embracing the body that blessed the world with three beautiful children.  Knowing that all the wonderful things that happen in life are deserved and to be enjoyed and are not to be overshadowed by “doing”.

The ironic part of all of this is that though some of these perceived expectations come from social pressure, the vast majority come from beliefs that I created.  And, they are pure bullshit.  What a relief that realization has been!  I was convinced that showing that I cared for myself meant doing a whole lot of things that depleted me.  Since then, it has become clear that no one gets a prize for not having dirty dishes in the sink.  Or for any of the other things that I thought were absolutely necessary. 

There is so much more room for gratitude now.  Because what I do or don’t do, is nourishing.  Though there are days when I have to push myself to exercise or eat well, in the end I do it because it feels good in my body and spirit.  Not because it’s a box to be checked off.  Reading a good book sometimes takes the place of housecleaning and there’s almost always some lovely bit of something that brings me joy.  When housecleaning does happen, it is with gratitude for the ability to do so and real appreciation for the results.

In the end, it’s not really the how or what that I am saying goodbye to but rather the why.  Knowing that only one person defines what my world should look and feel like.  Knowing that the more gratitude in the heart, the more juicy goodness the Universe has to offer.  It is truly amazing how examining beliefs and shifting perspective can change everything.  Hello 2022 – here’s to looking at you (and me) in a whole new way.